in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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