I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
