So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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