My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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