Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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