Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
