Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
