he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
