i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
