I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
