I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
