Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
