I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
