Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just had sex bonerless
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
