You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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