she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
