Me. At least after what I've been through.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
