So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
