She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My pussy is not your playground.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
