how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
