Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
