I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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