I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
