I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize