I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
try to milk me bitch
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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