Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
