guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had sex bonerless
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
