My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
