Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
