I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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