I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
