i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize