I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i barfeds in our rink
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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