No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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