WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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