Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
