i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
