You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
