If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
