Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
