his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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