He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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