I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize