Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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