a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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