so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize