I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize