Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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