Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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