Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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