We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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