fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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