so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
