I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
