i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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