Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
