People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
