Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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