It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she looked like the before picture.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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