I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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