Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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