how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
