Sponge bath it is.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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