She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
