I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
