haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
