guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
