i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We left the knife in your bed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
